I’m in my mid-forties and I will be the first to admit that I am addicted to Facebook and have wasted countless hours scrolling through my feed, reading your memes, looking at your cat pictures and silently judging you for your snarky, passive aggressive statuses. Admit it, you do the same thing. Well, maybe you aren’t judging quite so silently, depending on how many cocktails you’ve had or which hot button has been pushed.
I was a Facebook early adopter. When I first joined in December 2006 most of my friends were high school and college students that I did theatre with. Slowly, as my circle of friends grew, so did the average age of the people with whom I interacted. As time wore on, Facebook became this hybrid social media platform. It was a networking tool, an advertising medium and a way to keep in touch with friends and family, both near and far.
When my eldest daughter turned thirteen, I told her that she could get a Facebook account. I had artfully dodged requests from her friends while they were still in elementary school and told my daughter that when she was thirteen she could get an account. When her thirteenth birthday arrived, she sneered at me and said, “Facebook is for old people, Mom.” Oh, the humanity! Instead, her digital biography is being played out on Instagram, Twitter and, the site that I really don’t get, Snapchat.
For the better part of the last decade, I have checked my Facebook multiple times a day, with the exception of a brief hiatus I took during a difficult time a couple years ago. I have learned that when I begin to exhibit the Facebook behaviors that I loathe in others, it is time to step away.
There are several bad behaviors on Facebook and numerous articles about the subject have surfaced through the years. For me, Facebook reminds me of high school, a place fraught with cliques and stereotypes that really aren’t that different from the ones I endured almost thirty years ago:
The Mean Girls (Boys) These are people on Facebook that are constantly making sure you know how much better they are than you. They have more money, they have better jobs, they are smarter and better looking. They will constantly post selfies and statuses letting you know it, too.
The Popular Kids These are the people that have more “friends” than God. Their status can be something as mundane as, “I just ate breakfast,” and within five minutes 50 people will have liked their status.
The Jocks These are the folks that are constantly posting very excited comments about whatever ball game is on TV, in the language of the sport and referencing the team and/or player that everyone obviously should know.
The A/V Club If you need a video or photo fix, just check out their wall. Every viral video or meme that is trending is sure to be in their feed. These are also the folks that cannot resist taking pictures of their meal or every single sunrise/sunset.
The Theatre/Band Geek These are probably the people you get the most Facebook invites from. “Come see me in The Life and Times of Debbie Boone at the local community theatre!” or “My band is playing at the Up ‘n’ Chuck! Come on down!”
The Kids from Under the Bleachers They are just so in love and can’t stop displaying it, publicly, for all to see. Just… Ewwww!
The Class Clown Every status is an attempt at humor. Whether it’s about their kids, their boss, their pets or the funeral they just attended, they will find some way to make it funny.
The Nerd This the person you look up if your computer stopped working, thereby <gasp> making it impossible to post anything on Facebook. They are also the grammar police, the fact checkers, the urban myth de-bunkers and all-round social media buzzkills.
The Desperate to Fit In Type These are the ones that like everything you do on Facebook. Everything. Within seconds of posting it. They’d like it twice if they could.
The Debate Team This person must have the last word and will argue with you about anything. Whether it is gun control or the weather, they will always have an opinion that is different than yours. Oh, by the way, it’s the right one.
The Quiet Kid in the Corner In Facebook lingo, I call this person “The Lurker.” They never interact with you on Facebook but they know everything that is going on with your life based on what they gleaned from reading your Facebook page. They never comment on or like your posts but when they see you in person they bring up every detail of your life as if they had. Creepy.
The Rebel It’s all about the shock value. These are the ones that post photos of their open wounds, give you play by plays about their Grindr encounter or share every detail about their Brazilian wax. These are the people whose Facebook posts make you gasp or roll your eyes then run screaming from your computer with the “TMI! TMI! TMI!” falling from your lips.
The Party People Every single post involves alcohol or drugs. They are either planning a party, are on their way to a party, are at a party or are recovering from a party. (NOTE: Party can be used interchangeably with “bar,” “GNO,” “poker night,” etc.)
The God Squad People that can quote scripture from memory and use it in an effort to let you know how wrong your views on marriage equality, homosexuality, politics or religion are.
The Editor-in-Chief of the School Paper Facebook’s own town crier. Every circle of friends has one. Was there are a car accident in town? Did Kim Kardashian get exposed to Ebola? Have they found a cure for cancer? Did your third grade teacher die? Whenever something remotely newsworthy happens, this person is the first to share it. Even worse is the town crier of gloom and doom, the newsie who only shares bad news.
Have I missed any? What types of people do you see on Facebook that make you momentarily consider unfriending them? That is until you realize that you fall into one or more of those buckets yourself. Which one are you?
7 thoughts on “F is for Facebook: Blogging from A to Z Challenge”
I know so many of these types! Desperate to Fit In and Lurker are, to me, nearly equally unsettling.
As for where I fit in, I think I’ve definitely been Pathetic Whiner, but I’ve been trying very hard to wean myself away from such behavior. Oversharer, perhaps? Geeky Cat Lady Fitness Oversharer.
I love this post and I have to admit I love Facebook. Being that I work on the computer during the day, I spend a lot of time bouncing back and forth. Every morning I post a coffee meme and every evening I post a ‘dreaming of this’ tropical photo – I am several of the annoying face bookers. I use Facebook for fun and try to post 1 or 2 funny meme’s during the day. I also use it to keep in touch with friends in different parts of the country. I love the fact that I can keep up conversations and see photos where we wouldn’t stay in such close contact if it only was via telephone. And I love that I was able to reconnect with people I had lost contact with from the past. The Facebook posts I absolutely LOATHE are what I call the DRAMA QUEEN posts. Everything is a problem from a fight with a husband to an ingrown toenail, to the kids are sick (like everyday). And everything is negative. I always unfollow them. http://50andfabulousblog.blogspot.com
Agreed! The Drama Queens are the worst. I think I may have to go back and edit to include them. I wasn’t so sure how to align them with the high school clique analogy but I could totally put them in the Drama Club and separate the Band Geek out.
Also, I am so guilty of several of these from time to time. I think we all are. It’s the repeat offenders that make me crazy. Another type of friend that irks me is the one that makes a public proclamation about leaving Facebook, expecting us to beg them to stay or whatever. There was a really funny video about that one recently and I wasn’t sure how to categorize that type. Maybe the person that always has to announce they are leaving the party?
I unfollow almost everyone during an election year because I just. can’t. The hair goes up on the back of my neck and I want to hurt people. Not good for a person attempting a Zen-like lifestyle.
I will SO be following you from now on.
Thanks so much for stopping by from A to Z,
Yeah – election years are the worst! I actually found an add-on for Facebook that can filter out comments/posts based on keywords. It’s pretty awesome and I intend to use it to its full capability as soon as the primaries are upon us. http://www.socialfixer.com, if you’re interested.
I think you just about covered them.
FB can be fun, sometimes but I’m getting kind of bored with the same ‘old, same old.
2015 A to Z Challenge Ambassador
I’ve seen all of these types on FB. I think I’d fit under the category “Blogger” as that’s all I post–announcements about my latest blog posts in hope that someone from FB will visit. They rarely do.
I can see how FB could become addictive. Fortunately I haven’t been hooked yet. Mostly I just check it out when one of my kids put up something about one of my grandkids and they remember to tag me so I’ll know about it.
A to Z Challenge Co-host
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