Y is for Yesterday: Blogging from A to Z Challenge

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There are three types of people in this world. People that long for yesterday, the ones that eagerly anticipate tomorrow and those that live in the moment. Which one are you?

I admit it. I’m a person that spends a lot of time thinking about yesterdays. When I speak about yesterdays, it is with a very broad scope. There are the yesterdays when I was a child growing up in rural Pennsylvania. And there are the yesterdays spent without my mom. There are also the yesterdays when I was a rebellious teenager largely perceived as a good girl. But let’s not forget the yesterdays of my college years, of my dating years, of my married years or of my parenting years. I also think about yesterday in the literal sense. Today’s yesterday marked one year since the passing of a friend who was very special to me. The point is, I think about yesterdays a lot. Most of those thoughts are about what I would do differently. I am always trying to inch out pangs of regret with the promise of what is possible. Let me tell you, regret is a serious bitch to be reckoned with.

My husband, being the yin to my yang, is the person that looks to tomorrow. He is, without doubt, the optimist in our family. When our usual summer vacation to our favorite spot in Maine was usurped by circumstance, we found ourselves, instead, planning around our limited timeshare and summertime availability. When our destination and calendars were in flux, my husband was unsettled. Every night he would come home to see what exchanges became available, almost lost without something to look forward to. As soon as a destination was booked, there was light on the horizon: maps to plan, restaurants to visit, tourist traps to ensnare us. There is now peace and balance in the world. I think that is why my husband loves Christmas so much. What could me more exciting than six (or more) weeks of planning as a means to a spectacular end?

Obviously (or maybe not so much), it is optimal to live in the moment. To appreciate what is happening now without trying to overcome the past or outdo it with the future is the true zen of life, isn’t it? I valiantly try to appreciate the here and now, I do. But remember, I am a dweller on yesterdays and I understand how crippling that can be to the appreciation of today. My big roadblock, sadly, is that I fear what tomorrow holds more than I look forward to it. I’m still working on that.

I am, always, a work in progress. But I haven’t given up yet.

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